Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
