i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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