threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
