Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
