I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
