Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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