Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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