Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
