dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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