She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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