She is in my trunk
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
