she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
