Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
