all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with youâ€
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