Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
