I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
i've created a new STD.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
