I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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