If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
