These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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