at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
