Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
