my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
