Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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