So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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