I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
vagina is talking i cant
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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