saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
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