what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
