Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
