he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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