How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
