My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
