im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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