i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
