And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
