I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
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You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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