You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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