the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize