New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
