Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
