His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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