Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
