You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The uberlube is also flammable
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
