Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize