i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
