we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
