It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just blew my weed a kiss
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Randomize
