Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
