I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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