I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
