He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
