Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
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