i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
