somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
