dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
