If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Randomize