Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm like, not good at living.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize