In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I have demons in me.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
