so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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