We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
