Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
