it's too hot outside to masturbate.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
