One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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