i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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