I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
