Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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