I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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